January 2010
noted →
“I’d like him more if he got my name right.”
– Republican doucher Jeb Hensarling, after Obama repeatedly called him “Jim” during a snarky exchange at the GOP retreat (“Trail Blazers”). If you’re a video-watching type, dig up the Q+A. Professor Obama took these kids to school. I can’t believe Republiacns agreed...
Obama's SOTU readability two grades lower than... →
A Smart Politics analysis of nearly 70 oral State of the Union Addresses since the mid-1930s finds the text of Obama’s speech on Wednesday evening to have one of the lowest scores on the Flesch-Kincaid readability test ever recorded by a U.S. President.
me: i got an appointment
for my goddamned thumb
but its not until friday
Zac: rationing
http://unhappyhipsters.com/ →
Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger →
CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn’t do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. “He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers,” said hot-shot English professor...
“There was one tape that was marked, ‘Special.’”
– Andrew Young, on the Edwards sex tape
“When every social media outlet, as well as the mainstream press, is covering...”
– NH Division of Economic Development comm. dir. Steve Boucher, on the state’s decision to name the “Three Wolf Moon” shirt NH’s “official T-shirt of economic development” (Keene Sentinel).
“Who’s better? Honestly? Honestly? Like why do you even walk around the...”
– Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY), giving a great quote on his ability to give great quotes (Politico).
“Not true.”
– Sam Alito is the new Joe Wilson
“WE DON’T QUIT. I DON’T QUIT.”
– The cheerleader-in-chief, turning back the tides of cynicism
“It is just a slice of cheese.”
– A Dutch district court ruling concluding that McDonald’s restaurant was wrong to fire a worker for giving a colleague a cheeseburger when they paid for a hamburger
“You can’t do that. You can’t do that.”
– Tom Coburn, to the Senate Parlimentarian, who he believes is biased against Republicans. The dispute came after Coburn tried to use a rare tactic known as a “clay pigeon” to divide a pending amendment to a bill into many (in this case, 17). “You can’t two times in a row come...
‘The Politician’ By Andrew Young →
Hotline On Call and the Wall Street Journal have advance copies of the book John Edwards’ bodyman wrote about him, Elizabeth, and Rielle Hunter. EXCELLENT. The above link goes to Hotline; here’s the WSJ. Highlights: the lovechild had a shirt that said “granddaughter of a mill worker.”
“Well, gosh, we all had to bring our birth certificate’s to show we were...”
– JD Hayworth, the clown primarying John McCain from the right, on our Kenyan president
“We certainly don’t need to go back to the moon.”
– Some small-minded administration hack with no fucking creativity, on a bullshit plan to slash funding for NASA
“All dancers must remain upright- no sexual bending is allowed.”
– Fascist rules for dances at some Wisconsin high school
“We have one last opportunity. And I believe 2010 is it. All right? And we can do...”
– Richard Behney, an Indiana Tea Party activist and candidate for the Republican nomination for Senate against Democratic Sen. Evan Bayh (TPM). “I’m serious about that, and I bet you are, too. But I know none of us want to go that far yet, and we can do it with our vote.”
Nixon's Plumbers Are Back →
Zac: I am always going to be on the side of junk hoarders
because putting garbage in your front lawn is what makes this country great
can't do that in iran, can you?
me: hahahahaha
Zac: one day I will own a lawn
and it will have a life sized dinosaur
chasing the lawn gnomes
i saw them at a lawn place in ramsay, mn
fuckin velocoraptors
me: gandhi
bobcats
chasing lawn gnomes thats fucking great
“I was thinking maybe I’d lay down in front of their Bobcat or bulldozer....”
– Junk hoarder Helen Dunsford, who warned Ft. Lauderdale she was “prepared to die” to keep city code enforcers off her lawn (South Florida Sun Sentinel).
“You’re adorable riding back here with us!”
– A female passenger on a recent DC-Phoenix flight, happy to see Sen. John McCain sitting in coach (Politico).
DOD Asks Senate to Wait on ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ →
The Obama administration has asked the Senate Armed Services Committee to delay hearings on the fate of the military’s controversial “con’t ask, don’t tell” policy, because the president expects to discuss it in Wednesday’s address to Congress, the committee chairman said today.
“Fucking retarded.”
– WH Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, to members of liberal groups who said they were planning to air ads attacking conservative Democrats balking at health care reform. Awesome.
“I’d rather be a really good one-term president than a mediocre two-term...”
– Barack Obama, tempting fate
Obama to Seek Freeze on Some Spending →
President Obama will call for a three-year freeze in agencies and programs for which Congress allocates specific budgets each year, including air traffic control, farm subsidies, education, nutrition and national parks and for increases no greater than inflation after that, administration officials said Monday. It would exempt security-related budgets for the Pentagon, foreign aid, the Veterans...
“Well, the big difference here and in ‘94 was you’ve got me.”
– Barack Obama, according to retiring AR Rep Marion Berry, who is probably quitting because that much hubris usually ends badly
“Because I disagree on something that’s pushed down my throat, I’m...”
– New Hampshire State Rep. Alfred Baldasaro (R), on the gays
How 41 Sens Control The Country Without Actually... →
TPM finally gets around to explaining why everyone needs to get off Harry Reid’s nuts and quit acting like he has the ability to “just force them to talk” or whatever. There are rules. They are being abused by the minority. And there is nothing the majority can do about it. “A republic,” Franklin said, “if you can keep it.” We get this a lot from the tea...
“Not that I know of.”
– WH Press Secy Robert Gibbs, on if there’s a new deadline for completing health care reform. I guess we’re going to focus on the economy. Great. Americans say health reform is “more important than ever” over “can’t afford it right now” 54-39, and support the...
Fail: 4-5% of Brown voters were trying to support...
Was One Reason For Your Vote To Express Support For/Opposition To Obama?
- All BrownVoters CoakleyVoters Express support 28% 4% 55% Express opposition 23 43 -- Not a factor 48 52 45
Was One Reason For Your Vote To Express Support For/Opposition To The Dem Agenda In DC?
- All BrownVoters CoakleyVoters Express support ...
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have exactly one hour to steal every single item in...”
– Conan, saying goodbye to the Tonight Show
“With intimacy came a wealth of information on the novelistic as opposed to the...”
– Alain de Botton, (via meaghano) (via benjaminhilts) (via mkarmstr) (via muchjunk). This reminds me of the time I first read “he said parenthetically” — I love when good writing opens your mind to an entire new way of interpreting life’s everyday happenings.
“The same thing that swept Scott Brown into office swept me into office.”
– Barack Obama, on how sex sells (or on frustration with incumbents, whatever)
don't go wobbly on me now, george
here’s the thing: what’s the alternative? we committed when we ran on this shit in 2008. we said we were going to end the war, reform health care, and (god help us) pass cap and trade/create green jobs/end our dependence on foreign oil. once the economy tanked, we said we’d probably fix that too. we go to the american people with the following list of accomplishments: - 30,000...
“The best political route also happens to be the boldest rhetorical route, which...”
– A “presidential advisor”
nixonland
re nixon:
i think we’re facing a very similar backlash today. it’s one thing to give people additional rights or social benefits. it’s something else entirely to allow the perception that you will take them away from the middle class, and of course that’s exactly what we’re being accused of doing (falsely, for the most part, though true with the cadillac health plans...
Question: Which disaster is worse: Haiti...
randomonium:
Follow up question: How many people are going to unfollow me now?
“If I’m governor, I’ll cavort with showgirls and I’ll keep...”
– Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman
“This is about helping Haiti, not about occupying Haiti.”
– French humanitarian relief minister Alain Joyandet, apparently still bitter about the French losing Haiti